The Tom Riddle Who Stole Christmas
by seriousblahblah
Summary: AU. What if Tom Riddle's diary was never found or used in Book 2? And when Voldemort died in Book 7, he didn't actually die? Voldemort, in his handsome younger form, turns up for Christmas of course, and Hermione just happens to be the unfortunate soul who is given the diary by a vindictive Malfoy. Please review :)


[Written for loveneverdies78 Birthday Challenge: Dec 31 – Tom Riddle/Voldemort] [This is unbetaed and something I wrote today while staying up super late, so if you see any typos, please tell me so I can fix them, thanks and merry xmas]

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 **The Tom Riddle Who Stole Christmas**

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 **AU. What if Tom Riddle's diary was never found or used in Book 2. And when Voldemort died in Book 7, he didn't actually die? Voldemort, in his handsome younger form, turns up for Christmas of course, and Hermione just happens to be the unfortunate soul who is given the diary by a vindictive Malfoy. Post war fluff. Two Shot.  
**

 **Hermione/Tom Riddle. Warning for racy language and sexual content.**

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Snow was gently falling outside her window, at the flat of Hermione Granger on 22 Peverell Street. A few snowy white owls, blending into the snow, were also perched outside on various branches of pine trees and oak trees that grew in the quiet, well-to-do neighbourhood.

Inside, chestnuts and cauldron cakes crackled at her small fireplace, while Christmas cards and stockings–some of them from house-elves and S.P.E.W–lined her walls. In the oven, a perfectly roasting turkey bird sat cooking at precisely the right temperature.

Everything was as it should be. And Hermione, ever the perfectionist, had gone through her to-do list twice to make sure everything had been done and not one pea or mashed-potato was out of place. All the food and glittering streamer lights and presents were done to perfection and just waiting to be consumed.

It should've been the perfect Christmas dinner.

Except neither Ron, Harry or Ginny were currently coming.

Because, apparently, Ron had been stupid enough to stick his wand into a muggle electric outlet, while trying to get fix the wifi-internet and modem while muttering, "Lumos! You dumb, muggle appliance! Light up!" The little modem _had_ lit up. It had also burnt his wand to a crisp and sent sparks flying everywhere in the house, nearly catching it on fire.

Needless to say, Ron, while good-intentioned, didn't have the necessary magical-muggle appliance know-how like his father, Arthur, did and shouldn't have meddled with the wires. Ron had got a severe magical reaction when his wand magic mixed with the wifi. ( _Apparently_ , it was dangerous to mix magic with muggle internet with magic because of the different energy wavelengths.)

Ron had cried all the way to the hospital, complaining that he saw the internet in his head. Hermione had a feeling that Ron hadn't the least idea what the muggle internet was and was just plain drunk. (And by the time, he tried to grope her, Hermione knew Ron was drunk and she had to slap her ex-boyfriend's hands off her.)

Hermione, would've stayed with them at St. Mungo's, despite Ron's bad behaviour, but after Harry and Ginny started arguing about whatever relationship problems they were having now – Hermione was done. She hadn't stayed up late last night and woke up at 5am this morning, all to get her flat and Christmas dinner prepared, only so her best friends could throw a temper tantrum and it could go to waste.

"I'm done," were her exact words as Hermione wrapped her scarf around her neck and decided to leave.

Harry, Ginny and Ron all shot her accusatory looks. "What?"

Ginny especially was furious. The red head crossed her arms, temporarily pausing from fighting with Harry to glare at her. "Hermione, are you really going to leave my brother alone on Christmas Eve after he risked his life?"

Hermione exhaled and rubbed at her tired eyes. "Look, I'm sorry Ginny, and Ron. I really am, but if I stay here any longer, I think I'm going to pass out soon. I'm dead exhausted and I didn't even turn off my fireplace. I have to go back." Plus, truth be told, she was starving too.

Ron, however, wasn't just going to let her leave like that. He sat up in the hospital bed and glared accusingly at her. "Hermione, I risked my life trying to save your internet and this is the bleeding thanks I get?!"

Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. "Ron!" she scolded him. "I'm very sorry you got injured, but no one told you to stick your wand into a muggle power outlet! You did that all by yourself, and frankly, I think it's just because you're drunk." She paused to turn to Ginny. "No offense, Ginny, but Ron doesn't need to be in a hospital bed, he just needs a sober-up potion."

Ginny and Ron immediately became furious and started to ask her how she could 'dare' to criticize Ron when Ron was suffering from muggle induced 'internet side-effects', but Hermione was already walking away in her boots. She was too dead tired to try to explain what the internet was to the irate witch and wizard. Arthur Weasley, when he arrived to the hospital, could try explaining what the " _Internet"_ was to Ron and Gin. She was done with the Weasley's tempers tonight. She needed a cup of elf-wine.

Harry chased after her, before she reached the Floo-network. "Hermione," Harry said with wince. "Sorry about Ron and Ginny, they're both being prats, and I'll stay to make sure Ron recovers from whatever that electricity, er, internet, did to his magical core."

Hermione held back a chuckle. "I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as wifi- _itus_ or internet _-itus_ , so I think Ron will be fine. Just slip him a sober-up potion for me, will you?" She leaned in to give Harry a hug and kiss. "Thanks Harry and merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Hermione," Harry muttered but he was clearly still worried about her. "Don't you think you should pop over to the Burrow or your parents after, just so you're not alone for Christmas?"

Hermione considered it, for all of five-seconds. But given that whenever she spent a minute in Molly Weasley's presence, all the redhead matriarch did was guilt-trip her about not marrying Ron and breaking up with him – she opted out of it.

"No, my parents went for a vacation in the Caribbean, and I'd rather not intrude again on the Weasley's kindness tonight. Besides," Hermione said with a smirk. "I still have one guest coming to my flat. Luna will be popping by. Don't worry about me."

"Okay." Harry hugged her again and Hermione went into the Floo-connected fireplace. "You sure, you'll be fine?"

"Yes, Harry. I'll be great."

It was sort of a white lie. Since she didn't really want to spend Christmas without Harry, though as both Ron and Ginny were currently mad at her that wasn't an option.

Besides, she still had one guest coming: Luna Lovegood, or should it be said, Luna Lovegood Malfoy since she was engaged to be wed to Draco. (Apparently, when Luna had been locked up in Malfoy Manor during the war, Draco had taken pity on her and helped the blonde and they had sort of fallen in love despite the battle around them. So, naturally, they stared dating again after the war finally ended and it wasn't long after before Draco proposed to the little blonde Ravenclaw. Hermione, truthfully, thought they made a cute couple and she was looking forward to seeing the witty Ravenclaw. Luna had really blossomed as a young adult, and while still tad eccentric, really was having a brilliant career and Hermione learned to appreciate Luna's brilliant mind.

Although, Luna could still be an odd duck.

¬o¬

As evidenced by the fact that Luna was wearing her old, lion-mane hat and Santa garter stockings under a short tartan skirt when she arrived back at her apartment.

"Luna, how nice to see you. And ah, what a nice outfit." She tried her best to smile sincerely and not cringe at how Luna looked like something from the far side of Mars.

"You really like it?" Luna asked and twirled around so Hermione could see the full tartan and garter stockings in all their glory. "Draco likes when I wear garters and stockings, he says it's a big turn-on for him, so I wear them nearly everyday."

"That's lovely to know! Thank you for coming! Merry Christmas!" Hermione leaned in to hug Luna and take her coat from her. "Unfortunately, neither Harry, Ron or Ginny are here, since Ron had to go the hospital. I just came back from St. Mungo's actually."

Luna covered her mouth. "Oh my goodness, I hope nothing bad happened to Ron?"

"No, he's mostly just drunk, fortunately."

"Thank Merlin!" Luna said in a dreamy voice.

"Yes." Hermione shook her head while going to the fireplace to tend to the cauldron cakes. "I just wish I hadn't yelled at Ron to take a sober-up potion, since he seems to think it was actually the internet that affected his magical core and gave him a magical flare-up."

"What is the internet?" Luna asked blankly while her blue eyes studied the decorations on the wall.

Hermione briefly wondered if Luna and the internet were a good combination. Then quickly decided, for the sake of humanity, against it.

She quickly served them both some hot-chocolate and pumpkin cake. "Um, nevermind, it's nothing important. You don't need to know about it."

"Ohhh, but I learned to use a scanner the other day!" Luna said chirpily.

"Did you?"

"Yes!" Luna beamed. "Draco wanted me to play secretary for him, so I ordered a bunch of muggle appliances and an e-computer and the scanner came with it. I read the instruction manual, so it was a breeze from there. Apparently, there's a lot of things in Malfoy Manor that need to be sorted, or," Luna coughed. "...destroyed."

"Really?" Hermione raised a brow. She always wondered what they might be hiding in the ancient Manor.

Luna nodded eagerly. "Of course, Draco thought that using a muggle shredder and scanner might be best to get rid of it." Luna pouted glumly. "Poor Draco, he's been trying to get rid of the damn thing for awhile, but it hasn't been easy and so far the dragon's blood, axe and exorcist spells haven't worked. So he thought maybe a muggle computer might work, or at least, give it something to play with. Tom did say he wanted to try the internet." Luna smiled. "Oh right! Now I do remember what the internet is, it's that thing that Tom wanted so he could chat to his friends."

Hermione was starting to feel very, _very_ worried. Also very worried about the future of humanity since apparently Luna did know what the internet was and was trying to introduce Tom and his imaginary friends to it.

"Luna. Please fill me in here, what exactly is Draco trying to destroy and why would it need access to the internet? And lastly, who on earth is Tom?"

Luna giggled. "I don't know, Draco is quite evasive, he's just very angry with himself that he couldn't destroy it yet. But Tom is quite a talker."

"A talker?"

"Oh yes, he's been talking to Draco night and day, trying to get him to write him stuff and do other stuff, sacrifice goats and you know nothing unusual."

Hermione swallowed hard. "Nothing unusual? Just goat sacrifices?"

Luna giggled. "Didn't you do that for Christmas?"

 _No,_ Hermione thought in panic. She hadn't even sacrificed the turkey they were currently eating. In fact, she hadn't sacrificed anything in her entire life and she was starting to get very, very, very worried about all the things Luna was telling her. Actually, she wanted to get the blonde out of her house. But first she needed to know what Luna was up to before the blonde and her fiance accidentally brought back the Antichrist.

Hermione stared at Luna very intensely and spoke in a very calm but strong manner that eschewed the seriousness of the matter. "Luna, I need to know who Tom is and what exactly you scanned into your computer, er, e-computer."

Luna scratched at her head. "Hmm. Well, we still don't know how to destroy him or who he is. Since Tom is very evasive and private." The blonde's face suddenly cheered. "But he said he was very lonely in his diary, so we decided to upload him to the comput-tater so he could chat to his friends. Tom said something about wanting to join a chat-room? So he could talk to his muggle friends? And build a following? That's what everybody does on the internettle, right, get followers?"

Luna smiled and got up, wrapping her lion-tail scarf around her (it matched the lion hat) and pulled up her garter stockings. "Well, I better go. Draco is waiting at home."

Hermione gasped and rushed to barricade the door. She had a sudden hunch of who this mysterous Tom might be and it might mean...that dear Merlin, the war wasn't completely over. She grabbed the blonde by the shoulders. "Luna what happened to the diary? I need to know now! The future of the wizarding world could be at risk!"

Luna shrugged. "Well, Draco got frustrated and put the diary through the shredder so it doesn't exist anymore. But," Luna said brightly. "before that, we uploaded Tom so he wouldn't be lonely. It was the least we could for him on Christmas. So Tom created a chatroom so he's been there with his friends! He already has many followers, even though he says he despises muggles."

"Ohdeargod." Hermione grasped with her hands at her mouth. What had Luna and Draco done? Obviously, Draco had been trying to destroy the diary, but did they really think it was a good idea to upload the diary to the internet? Teenage diaries were embarrassing and should be kept off the internet before they became memes.

"Wait, Luna! What is the name of his chatroom?"

Hermione needed to find this Tom and stop him from before he took over the internet with his group of Followers.

Luna turned around before she disappeared into the fireplace. "His chatgroup is called Tom_Riddle!"

 _Tom Marvolo Riddle. Voldemort. I am Lord Voldemort._

As Luna left with a flash of flames, Hermione stood stock-still, shaking, as she realized Voldemort was not dead. He had left one more horcrux behind and now Luna had been uploaded to the internet! This was way worse and even more dangerous than Ron sticking his wand into the power outlet.

Oh dear lord, the internet was in great peril!

¬o¬

Hermione's brow was sweating and her hands were furiously typing as she tried to locate Tom_Riddle username's chatgroup on the internet.

But it was a private one and she had to send a friend request.

The application form was rather daunting too, it asked: are you willing to give your soul to serving Tom Riddle? Will you like and re-tweet and repost everything he says and posts so he can take over the internet? Will you take a Tom Riddle dark mark on your avatar to show your allegiance?

Hermione clicked 'yes, yes, and yes' to all the questions. Then in a frenzy of clicking also filled out the old html form to put the rest of the details in.

Soon she got an invite and though it was Christmas and she should've been celebrating and having fun with friends and family, here she was about to go onto a chat room with some dead Dark lord who had risen from the ashes to get on the internet.

Yes, her life was quickly heading into the danger zone.

Hermione clicked on her new username, H_Gryffindor_thegoodgirl to enter the private chat room.

Tom_Riddle was there.

 **"Hello."**

Oh dear god his avatar was hot.

Hermione typed in quickly. "Hello, Tom Riddle. I am a friend of Luna's." She wasn't going to reveal her true identity yet. She was being cautious.

Tom seemed put off. "Luna was trouble. But she served her purpose."

Hermione grimaced. What an arse this Tom_Riddle was. "What purpose is that?" Hermione typed. "And do you always use people to do your dirty work for you?"

"I don't use people. They _want_ to serve me." Tom Riddle typed. "LOL. Isn't that what you're here for, or aren't you a new follower?"

Hermione gulped. She had nearly blown her cover there. She sent him some hearts and kisses signs before LOLing casually to brush off his suspicions. "Don't be silly. Why else would I join this chat room? LOL."

"Good. I like that in a follower." Tom typed back. His avatar's dark bedroom eyes stared back at her.

"Tell me, what is your name H_Gryffindor_the goodgirl?"

"Who wants to know and whyyy?" she tried to sound casual by adding some misspellings.

Tom chuckled. Or so she imagined. "I need to know everything about my followers. Or don't you want to be part of the 'in' club?"

Hermione bit her lip. Yes, she did. She needed to infiltrate his underground internet network, so she could stop him before he crashed the entire internet. Her hands returned to the keyboard.

"Yes, I do. What do I have to do?"

Tom_Riddle sent her a snake image of the Dark Mark and flashed it there temptingly. "Consider this your initiation. Do as I ask."

"Okay."

"Talk dirty to me."

"What?" Hermione's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

Tom Riddle narrowed -_- his eyes at her using slants and hyphens.

"Didn't you say you wanted to be a follower? Do as I ask."

"But..." Hermione coughed uncomfortably. Was the Dark Lord of the chatroom trying to get her to have cybersex with him? This was a very dangerous territory. "Uh, Tom, I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, I've never done this before, and when my parents got me a computer, it probably wasn't so I could chat dirty with Dark Lords–"

"Do it." Tom warned her. He wasn't playing. "Do it right now."

Shit. Hermione couldn't say no or it would blow her cover and then he would never trust her again. And then she wouldn't get the Dark Mark and be able to infiltrate his group of follower.

"Okay," she typed. "I'll do it." She loosened the scarf around her neck because this was about to get into stressful and weird territory.

"Give me head."

"Holyshitno that is way too fast Tom_Riddle. Slow down a little." Merlin, what was his problem? And how was she even supposed to give him head through a computer? Throw some pixels at him?

"Sorry," Tom typed. "I've been locked in a diary for a long time so I'm a little rusty."

"That's okay, Tom." Hermione smirked as she stared at the screen and his dark eyes of his avatar. "It sounds a bit like you're a genie in the bottle waiting to be rubbed the right away?"

Tom smirked back at her. Or so she imagined. "Don't be cute with me. I am not going to be teased by you."

Hermione smirked back at him. It was her turn to apologize. "Sorry." She barely knew this Tom_Riddle and she was rushing to conclusions. Even if his evil older self, was, well, evil.

"That's better," Tom said.

He was so arrogant. Yet Hermione was slightly amused and as popped open a new bottle of elf-wine, she realized she didn't have anything better to do now.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

Hermione grinned and put back down the bottle. "Yes. Tom, I am."

"Good. We're just getting started."

Hermione wondered to herself what he meant by getting 'started. But as long as Tom didn't find a way to print himself out, bind himself into a new diary, and then possess her soul...well this chat with him was pretty harmless. Not that she forgot her mission: which was to find out what he and his followers were doing on the interweb and destroy them, possibly with viruses, before they Tom_Riddle got too powerful.

"So...good_girl, you never told me your name?"

Hermione grinned. "That's because it's a surprise."

Tom_Riddle shrugged at her. "(Shrugging shoulders) Tell me what you look like then."

Hermione bit her lip, remembering that this was the internet and anything could be said. "What do you like? Brunettes? Blondes?"

"The TRUTH," Tom insisted.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, the truth is rather more boring. I'm 5'4, thin, flat-chested and brown hair and brown eyes. My ex-boyfriend left me for a blonde actually. Plus there were some other issues." Ron wasn't really so bad, though she did feel slightly guilty about ranting about him to Tom_Riddle. It seemed a bit disloyal. Though Tom was being nice to her so far, so there was no sense in being disingenuous.

"Ur ex sounds like an idiot. Gryffindor much?"

"He is. Thank you."

"So do you shave down below?" Tom asked.

What? Hermione's eyes widened.

"WTF kind of question is that?" She was so close to turning off the computer and telling Tom to go back to the AOL chatrooms that apparently were so popular in 1998. What a jerk and creep. This was 2000, not 2016 when people could talk casually about these things!

"It's a question. Answer it."

"No. TMI. Way TMI."

"Good_girl. *chuckles* Quit playing hard to get and do what you're told."

Hermione stifled a chuckle. He really was a cheeky bugger. She decided to tease him.

"What's in it for me?"

Tom_Riddle sent her a racy image of himself. "That's me," it was captioned.

Hermione felt her eyes glaze over. Oh my goodness. She felt blood rush to her cheeks and involuntarily she unbuttoned the top button of her cardigan sweater.

"You work out a lot?"

"Only at the gym," he said casually. "It's nothing compared to when I was out of the diary."

"It shows." Holy merlin, she needed to fan herself. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Those are good pics."

"So..."

"So what? ^.^"

"Send me one of you." Tom demanded.

"NO!"

"Then tell me what you're wearing."

"M' kay." She licked at her lips.

She looked down and wondered why on earth she was wearing such a drab, boring cardigan and jeans. Maybe Ginny was right, she didn't have any dress sense.

"I'm waiting," Tom said. "Do as I ask."

"Well?"

"Oh right. Well I could lie, but honestly I'm just wearing a fluffy, pink anarok sweater and jeans."

"Good," Tom seemed really into the pink sweater. "Take it off, slowly."

Hermione's hands paused on the zipper of her sweater. "Why slowly? Is there any particular reason? I mean, you can't see me can you?" She stared dubiously at the glowing screen and hoped that Tom_Riddle's digitilized diary hadn't acquired any special powers.

"JUST DO IT! DON'T QUESTION THE DARK LORD OF THE CHATROOM!"

"Sorry."

"Good. Just don't sass me."

"Okay."

Hermione took a sip of her elf-wine and hiccuped. What had become her life?

 _"Well, here goes nothing,"_ she thought.

"I'm taking the pink anarok sweater off," she typed. _"Slowly."_

"Good. Very good." She could have sworn Tom was giving her bedroom eyes through the screen but she decided not to sass him again.

"Keep it going..."

.

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A/N:...to be continued. Will Hermione send Tom Riddle pics or will she learn to stay safe on the internet before Tom Riddle's digitalized diary faxes itself to her apartment and grabs her soul? Stay tuned! please let me know if you want to see more and what tom riddle should say and do?

Two-shot story. Merry christmas!


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